Two point five men

Cake, Ice-cream and Candy

2010-07-22T11:02:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago, In a galaxy not too far away,
There lived the three who changed their world, it was their time, it was their day.

When The Bear was just a child, he got wicked sick.
The Doc pulled out an ice-cube, and asked him to have a lick.

He dreamt that night of pink dogs and elephants that did gleam,
And awoke the next day with a hunger, a hunger for ice-cream.

The Dodo and The Bulldog, I don't know when and why,
Must've thought,"We're in college now, let's give ice-cream a try."

One eve they started feasting, down the Rocky Road,
It didn't work though, sadly, they were still in normal mode.

Somewhere down the line, a wolf joined the threesome,
He brought with him some Haagen-Dazs, which the Bear didn't really welcome.

They travelled far, and travelled wide, across the treacherous land,
And sampled all sorts of ice-cream, sweet, spicy and bland.

All day long their tongues were numb, and the brain-freeze did persist,
Feeling cold was the only item on their daily to-do list.

Even candy tasted better, after you'd had a cone,
And though they didn't have cake, they jacked off when alone.

But what goes around comes around, and thought the ice-cream was sweet,
I guess it's stupid to believe they'd forever beat the heat.

The Wolf, despite eugenics, was the first to cut loose,
He said he'd had enough ice-cream and would stick to booze.

In addition to the Devil's piss, he'd eat a lot of cake,
And cake, as we know, is the best of the three, even though it's hard to bake.

No one knew it then, but it was dynamite,
Don't know what the spark was, but it sure did burn bright.

Hyenas and Jackals, all crawled out of the woodwork,
Started baying for ice-cream, started going quite berserk.

The Bulldog threw them some icy bones, and took them under his wing,
The hyenas all cackled and fawned, and crowned him their king.

The Bear became the Howard Hughes of sorbets and Cornettoes,
He cut himself off completely from the hyenas and the hos.

To him ice-cream was sacred, something to revere,
Including choots was blasphemous, in this most holy blur.

In the end all I can say is it's like a butterfly,
You never know whats going to happen, if you spend the summer high.

PS: Apologies to those left out of this historical note. We couldn't find anything that rhymed with "wide-eyed schoolgirl who spilt all her little secrets when high."

Unlimited Life

2010-03-27T04:15:00.000-07:00

Before you read this entry, take a look at http://lifeunlimited.org.in/home

And now,

Dear Sirs and Madams,

My name is Vaid (08010011) and I'm a sophomore studying at the Indian Institute of Technology-Bombay (impressed already?) When I first read about Life Unlimited I thought to myself, maybe I can scam these good (i.e. stupid) people out of some money. My dream-To build a perpetual motion machine. Who knows-I'd throw some big sounding terms at you (How about Discrete Analogs of Non linear Hyperbolic Conservation Laws Applied to the Dynamics of Chaotic Quantum Billiards-and believe me I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP-people dedicate their lives to studying shi..stuff like this) and, in turn, you'll liberal-arts-college-hippie-homosexuals would throw some money at me. (Side note: I just assumed that you'll were a bunch of pot-smoking Hare Ram Hare Krishna dudes because of all the live-your-dreams philosophy. Typical IITians learn to squish those silly mental constructs when they start to mug insane amounts of Inorganic Chemistry for the JEE. Also, Art's guys are so much better than Commerce students (Telling someone that he should have been a Commerce student is a prof's way of saying "Your mother is a wanton whore.")

But then I thought to myself, why do I need to lie? I mean this organisation basically exists so that crazy fucks (I'm sorry is profanity taboo?) get to live out their half-assed fully-cuckoo dreams. And I thought,"Hey! I'm a crazy fuck with half-assed ideas!" So time to get serious: My proposal: I've always wanted to be one of those Bond villains with cool lasers and pet tigers. WHOA! Hold on, don't chuck me into the loony bin as yet. I'm just explaining the motivation behind my proposal. The way I see it, the only reason I'm into world domination is that this world seems imperfect to me. In fact I'd be happy as hell to just own a tiny little island that would be all mine, where my word would be law, just so that I could live in a world that was perfect. Keep that in mind, you'll understand the significance of it later. (Such a Yoda/Dumbledore thing to say.)

Another thing about me: I realised very early on the awesome power of information (maybe because I started using the Internet early on-96 if I remember correctly) This made me a very curious boy. I read as much as I could, I relished travel. One thing I realised almost immediately was that the best information was generally restricted. At first I was a typical Good Boy i.e. I lived in fear. But when I was 9, I was exposed to Stonecold Steve Austin. FUCK FEAR, DRINK BEER. Camus can do, and Sartre might be smarter(re?), but when it comes to philosophy, the good people at the World Wrestling Federation (that’s what we called WWE, kids) pwn everyone else. They don’t beat around the bush. They get straight to the point. I want to build a boat. Bet you didn’t see that coming.

When I got to IITB, I expected enough data to finally sate my curiosity. And no, IIT did not disappoint. In my first week here I climbed to the top of Sameer hill. As I surveyed the campus, I saw to my left, a vast expanse of pristine, clear water. Powai Lake looked like a radioactive waste dump in comparision. Vihar Lake. Fuck. I had to get there. One problem though-it was “off limits”. Now I had to get there. It took me a while, but after 2 weeks of searching I finally managed to find a hole in the barbed wire fence that separates the institute from the pipeline that supplies water to the whole city. Let me tell you it was worth the effort. Rumors of crocodiles and panthers only made it better. At first my (incredibly juvenile) plan was to go pee in the lake-at which point I must say-Haw Haw-You drank a few (molecules?) of my piss (I’m not sure what the fundamental scale of piss is; who gives a shit though, Chem and Bio suck ass) But when I got there, I saw it. The Island.(This is like the time when I saw Vihar Lake for the first time) Now I want to go there. Unfortunately, even I have to draw the line somewhere, and even though I’m damaged in many ways, I love my parents and they’d be very sad if a bunch of crocs devoured me while I swam to The Island (it's an unimaginative name, sure. Maybe once it's on the map we can start calling it Isla de Chatrapati Shivaji)-and I can’t bear it when they’re sad.(At this point I must state that the crocs are a rumour, but I’d rather not take a chance) Hence me and some other guys, who are a lot like me, only uglier and hence girlfriend-less, want to build a boat and get to The Island.

To make a sturdy enough boat, we’d require shitloads of plywood. We’ve built a CAD model of the boat, and by our rather conservative estimates, we believe that Rs.6282 would suffice to build our boat. However our estimation skills suck and hence to be on the safe side, we’d like a nice round Rs. 15,000. We also need to buy infinite contraceptives for the native girls we’ll be “meeting” on The Island. Hell, If Avatar taught us anything, it was to always sample the local cuisine. I'd also like very much if at least one of my monkey butlers could attend bartending school (http://lifeunlimited.org.in/proposal-bartending-course)It would be nice to sample cocktails-Uncivilised engineer that I am I normally just drink moonshine neat, straight from the bottle. Not to mention guns for all the big game we’ll be hunting. Also once we reach there, I was thinking maybe a treehouse ala The Swiss Family Robinson. (http://xkcd.com/212/ )I read that book exactly 271 times. I didn’t have lot of friends as a kid. Apart from that bribe money is essential in case we get caught. Don't worry, it's not that illegal. Anyway that’s my proposal. Hopefully you’ll are smart enough to decipher which parts were serious and which ones were jokes. Hint: the part where I say I want 15 grand-DEAD SERIOUS. And yeah, I hope you have as much fun reading my proposal as I did writing it.

With Best Regards,

Vaid "The Vaid" Vaid.

PS: As I write this I have two and a half quarts of aforementioned moonshine buzzing angrily inside me. Hence, please excuse any typographical errors. Also if I offended anyone, I apologise-though that was not the alcohol's fault-I am just an asshole.

Let's geer up!

2010-01-02T11:57:00.000-08:00

Here's a motivational mail sent out in one of the hostels....

hi guys...
i hope u all enjoyed ur winter vacation a lot and especially the 4 days of Mood I seeing the entire campus full of super-hot cheeks and i m sure that really helped in relieving the pain of grads. :P
Now wat!!!
welcome to the real world
Congratulations all for our combined efforts, we r in position to get the cult GC trophy. So lets gear up for the most crucial events.
I want to meet u all at my room on 4th night the very first day of beginning of sem.
All the best!!!

meeting
4th Jan.
10 PM
venue- Room no. xyz

Let Lit Be

2009-06-28T12:10:00.000-07:00

For all the dunces who dont noe what an acrostic is refer to http://whoseblogislitanyway.wordpress.com/2009/06/20/acrostic/

and then read this...

Life in a metro
I positively dread
The hours of solitude
Can mess up your head
Lots of meaningless love
Understandably can be made
But screw it up and you’ll
Have to lay your maid
Apart from that
Some also like the money
Though the friends you make
Often don’t leave you with any
On a lonely, rainy night
Men sit beside streams
And wonder how come they
Never followed their dreams
Yesterday you made choices
Could today have been better?
Or are we just pawns whose thoughts
Never matter.
Vices and sins
Encumber your way
Now my rhyming pattern is screwed
Ending an awesome day
Rock on oh conveners we will do our bit
Shanbhags and Srivastavas, Srivatsans and Madhavs we really love lit